Top Ten Jesus Sightings

By: Matthew Chatterton

Every now and then, someone claims a sighting of Jesus. This, however, is a phenomenon known as "apophenia" and is well understood by science. Apophenia is the experience of seeing a meaningful pattern within meaningless data.

Apophenia is responsible for a plethora of errors such as false gambling patterns, UFO sightings, cryptozoology sightings (e.g Bigfoot), conspiracy theories, ghost sightings, and the general development of superstitions.

In 2008, Michael Shermer coined the term "patternicity," which means the same thing.

Below are my top ten examples of patternicity induced sightings of Jesus.

10) Ironjesus

Oh, wait. Wrong one...

So, that's how Jesus got onto the toast! Actually, it looks more like the Mona Lisa.

9) Peanut Butter and Jesus

See it? Yeah, neither do I. Obviously, this takes a mind, not preoccupied, but deluded with thoughts of Jesus Christ.

8) Door Jesus?

Who else just sees a vagina? Maybe that's the real reason he's taking a picture. He'll be knocking on wood later.

7) Tortilla Jesus

6) Candybar Jesus

I just want to point out the irony of a glutton claiming a Jesus sighting.

5) Electric Jesus

Crucified and electrocuted? Talk about a bad day.

4) Sonogram Jesus

Another immaculate conception? Note that this was shown on Faux News. I, for one, am not surprised.

3) Tree Jesus

It's either Jesus on the Cross or Jesus doing the "YMCA" dance.

2) Banana Jesus

Something tells me that's not how you want to accept Jesus inside of you.

1) Dog's Ass Jesus

Wow, I didn't know Jesus was such an asshole!

Conclusion:

I recommend studying apophenia. It certainly isn't difficult to understand and, once you do, you'll understand precisely why Christians see Jesus or the virgin Mary on a piece of toast and have spiritual visions while Hindus are seeing Krishna and Buddhists are seeing the Buddha.

Look, It's four Jesus'! Oh, never mind; it's just a mountainside.

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